Dead, more dead, most dead

Helsingissä 19.10.2009

Dear K,

--I’ve been looking so long at these pictures of you

that I almost believe that they're real

I've been living so long with my pictures of you

that I almost believe that the pictures are all I can feel--

What is the difference between being dead and not being seen by someone for several years?

My friend died when I was in high school. I have never seen him again. But I knew people way before that who I last saw 13 years ago. They’re not dead but my memories of the boy are more real than my memories of them.

Where is the logic when someone dies? Can people be dead, more dead or most dead? Or can they even be not dead to someone? Is there a person who no one cares about or a person who can’t believe someone died?

Why do you care more about the people you know than the ones you don’t recognize?

Why does a character of a television series become more important to you than someone in your class?

Why do you care more if George dies than if John Doe dies? Why do you cry more when you find out he could have died anonymous? You know what I am talking about.

How can you cry the death of a person you don’t even know? Like you did on Santa Monica beach. But then again how can some people not cry the death of the most important person in their lives?

Can you feel people around you if the people have already died? If I lose my lipstick and then find it in front of me did a ghost see me looking for it and move it so I can see it?

I desperately wanted to see people after weeks of work so I went to Kasino A4’s party last Friday. I photographed people I recognized. People who are very much alive. I know nothing about the rest.

With Love, E.

quote: The Cure, Pictures of You

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